Furfur, I thank you for a full year of cheating death and providing yours truly with the alchemical/haute cuisine/black magic knowledge needed to dump sugar, processed foods in general and enriched white flour in particular the fuck out of my life.
I present thee wit dis delish pizza 4 u to nibble on oh great Furfur. Omnomnom u black cube of Cronus kitty cat.
CRUST:
10 Tablespoons tahini paste (some may find the peanut butter used in the original recipe a bit overpowering. Tahini paste may be more your thing)
4 pastured eggs
Juice from 1 lemon
Teaspoon baking soda
full big scoop of Whey protein powder or if you have "ethical issues" use a scoop of whichever vegetable based protein powder you prefer instead.
pinch sea salt
coconut butter or regular butter or olive oil (?) for greasing up your pizza pan
Mix ingredients in a bowl until you get a somewhat pancake batter-ey consistence. Pour into a greased up pizza pan.
SAUCE:
4 tomatoes
pepper
pinch o' salt
sweet wine
boil the tomatoes, put the tomatoes , pepper, salt and sweet wine in a deep dish and smoosh, smoosh, smoosh.
TOPPINGS:
In this case I am using a burger paddy I never got around to use for anything else. Use ham or whichever meat you prefer or if you have "ethical issues" whichever vegan substitute you want.
cheddar, mozzarella, whatever cheese you prefer
pineapples (just to fuck with some people)
onions (if you're into that)
mushrooms or any other topping you want to sprinkle on your pizza
cut up the toppings into manageable pieces and sprinkle, sprinke, sprinkle over the crust.
Say the magic words:
a
ab
abr
abra
abrac
abraca
abracad
abracada
abracadab
abracadabr
abracadabra
Put that bad boy in the oven (for how long? don't go away and leave it unattended I can tell you that. Check back every 5 minutes depending on your oven really)
Congrats! You've just completed one third of your meal prep. Slice that motherfucker up and stuff it in the freezer.
Music:
A Flash in the Pan by Twin Musicom is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution license (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
Artist: http://www.twinmusicom.org/
SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! So go fuck yourselves if you still haven't seen it. It's been more than a week now. Go see the damn thing and be pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised already. Pineapple goes in pizzas and DIE HARD IS A CHRISTMAS MOVIE. Suck it.
I'm cheating, I'm connecting the dots with the help of the Star Wars Wikia
Watching a new Star Wars movie has become a holiday tradition along with getting fucked up on the nog and grabbing the HR girl's ass at the office party.
Finally got around to seeing Star Wars the last Jedi and I brought along a 40+ year old friend who does not "give a fuck about Marvel, DC, Star Wars or any of that shit" for objectivity's sake. I was also expecting to get reverse triggered with a load of PC, nerf wrapped, SJW design-by-committee horseshit specially tailored for pussified audiences. Here's what I encountered:
It starts with Poe Dameron getting cocky and pulling an A.J. Frost from Armageddon. A fuckload of rebel bombers are lost for not following General Organa's order. Leia tells Poe to "get your head out of your cockpit." HA! I see what you did there.
Rey finds Luke at that remote island... that Puffin Island, I mean Porg Island, that's it. I think that's what it's called: Porg Island.
Rey wants Luke to go all Pai Mei and teach her the The Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique so she can WHOOP Kylo Ren's ass. Luke sez no. Throws his lightsaber away. Fuck dat shit he sez.
So, turns out the rebel ships or just the Raddus (NEEEEERRRRRDS!), details are hazy, had been tracked through hyperspace by the the First Order.
Kylo Ren and a TIE fighter escort go after the Raddus, fuck the shit out of the bridge, kill Admiral Ackbar and blow a half dead Leia into space. Leia manages to find her inner Beatrix Kiddo and Mary Poppins it back to the Raddus.
Back in Porg Island, Luke reluctantly agrees to train Rey in the ways of the force and sez: "fine, I'll tell you about the force and shit. But don't EVER use it. Dat shit will fuck you up". Rey sits on a rock, realigns her chakras. Kylo Ren from afar pulls out the ouija board and contacts Rey. Rey freaks the fuck out and Luke gets even more freaked out. Luke tells her that once upon a time he set up a Jedi academy for force sensitive indigo children so he can train his dear nephew Ben Solo. One day Kylo gets all aggro, turns on him, kills a lot of students and burns Hogwarts to the ground.
Disney snuck some vegan propaganda in there. FUCK! But I let it go. No biggie.
Back at the Raddus, Admiral Holdo is running this monkey farm. Admiral Holdo cuntsplains to Poe how big an impulsive asshole he is and tells him to lay low before he fucks anything else up. Check your privilege you toxic masculinity fueled cis male pig!
Poe Dameron tells her about the Canto Bight plan. Holdo ain't got no other plan and sez "Fuck it. Do whatever you want. Doesn't matter now. We're royally fucked."
So Finn... Ah Jeez. Last Jedi did its best to course correct and give that poor simp a set of balls.
Hey Finn! Rey's not that into you. She's not into the big black mamba, hey! I don't think she's into pussy either. She strikes me as that sort of asexual girl that has a personal relationship with Jesus (or some sort of self sacrificing messiah figure 'wink, wink') and/or is REALLY INTO Disney princesses or some other Tell-tale sign that inside her mind sex is gross/boring/unnecessary. Think about it, Finn: She's going to a remote island to live the monastic lifestyle cause she really, really, really wants to Kill Bill the fuck out of Kylo Ren. Ain't nobody got time 4 dick or pussy! Like Elsa from Frozen said: Let it go, let it go. There's more pussy flying 'round the galaxy than you know.
So Rose Tico, a girl who's really into the dick, specifically into Finn's dick goes after him. Rose was unnecessary? I beg to differ. Finn needed to get his rocks off somehow. That whole dynamic reminded me of Rushmore, particularly the ending of Rushmore. You haven't seen Rushmore? What's wrong with you bunch of uncultured people. Go see it now and thank me later.
(IN A HARRY S. PLINKETT VOICE) Maz Kanata sends Finn and Rose to Canto Bight to look for a Master Codebreaker that could crack through the clearance codes for an infiltration of the First Order flagship I guess. It's an older code, sir, but it checks out... or something.
They reach the Canto Bight casino resort planet and WACKINESS ENSUES! WACKA WACKA!
Snokey snoke tells Kylo Ren to stop being a pussy, take that ridiculous helmet off and find Luke Skywalker already.
Kylo throws another temper tantrum, breaks his mean man scary face Bane voice modulating mask and decides to take it out on his mom.
Rey takes a tour of Porg Island, falls in a pit, stumbles upon a magic mirror (?) and wishes to see her parents. Rey's sitting by the fire drying herself off and at this point a hunky shirtless Kylo Ren shows up and Rey sez "put a shirt on you date rapist!". Kylo gets all historical revisionist on Rey's ass and tells her that it was Luke who tried to shoot first.
Luke senses that some strange things are afoot at the circle K. Rey and Luke get in a fight, Rey bests Luke and forces him to tell her the truth.
Meanwhile, the Raddus along with all the remaining rebel ships are getting blown to bits by the First Order ships.
Holdo decides that "fuck this, lets just abandon ship and hope for the best". Poe Dameron gets all uppity and calls her a coward and a traitor and leads a mutiny. Leia shows up in her hospital gown to confront Poe inside the control room, sets her phaser to STUN and drops Poe like a bag of bricks.
Anyway, Finn and Rose make it to Snokey snoke's ship with the help of "a coder", just not the specific coder they were sent looking for. They manage to get a hold of some dapper waffen ss uniforms, slap a black bucket on BB-8 to disguise him and mosey over to the First Order flagship's flux capacitor and are just about to disable it when UH-OH they're betrayed by the coder they found in the casino resort planet. Phasma shows up to kill Finn and Rose.
Rey reaches Snokey snoke's ship and Kylo Ren is waiting for her. Rey still sees some good in Kylo Ren. Sensitive girls wanting to fix damaged goods, see where that gets you. Snoke continues to belittle Kylo in front of Rey while waterbording her into telling him where in the motherfuck is Luke Skywalker at. Kylo gets sick of Snoke's shit, ignites Luke Skywalker's lightsaber and unceremoniously slices Snoke in half.
Kylo and Rey fight the Imperial Guard, fuck all of them up and Rey's like "Okay, that was fun. Let's go help the rebels. They're that way! Let's go. Follow my lead... 1,2,3 and away we go... to help the rebels. Okay lets go! Y u not coming?". Kylo tells Rey that it doesn't matter that she's a lowly chav girl or that her parents were a bunch of drunks who sold her for booze. All that matters is that the force is strong with her and together they can rule the galaxy.
Poe wakes up inside an escape pod alongside Leia and a few other rebels. Admiral Holdo sez: "fuck this shit. Sick and tired of it. BANZAI!!!" Jumps to lightspeed and wrecks the Supreme Leader Snoke's flagship, the Mega-class Star Destroyer Supremacy.
Kylo and Rey part ways. Finn smashes Phasma's silly disco ball hat and she falls to a fiery death. Kylo Ren gets ready to fuck the rebellion's shit up once and for all.
The rest of the rebellion makes it to Crait. Crait is where the schmoopy Vulptex puppy dogs live. All they have down there to fight the First order are a bunch of V-4X-D ski speeders. Poe, Finn, Rose and a handful of rebels try to fly the speeders into the portable death star laser in the hopes of jamming it somehow.
Rose has a Wonder Woman moment and manages to block Finn's cock as it is about to get lodged down the throat of the portable death star laser that Kylo Ren brought down to Crait to finish the job.
Luke shows up on Crait to hand Leia a pair of fuzzy dice. Luke goes out the abandoned mine to confront Kylo. Kylo orders all AT-AT Walkers to fire on Luke. Luke yawns as he wipes a bit of schmutz off his shoulder.
Kylo has a Rameses II from The Ten Commandments moment as he realizes the rebellion has snuck away aboard the Millennium Falcon while he's been firing at a force hologram of Luke. The last thing Luke sees sitting on a rock in Porg Island are the twin suns setting. The feels.
Leia, Chewie, Rey, Finn, Poe, Rose and a smattering of rebel fighters take a picture for the Holiday card. A dickensian street urchin looks into the starry sky... and CREDITS.
Did it offend me to the core? NO
Did it offend my less sensitive 40+ old friend? NO
I kind of liked it. SJW message, diversity quota, misandry aside... it was a good addition to the new Disney brand Star Wars trilogy. I give it a full box wine.
What's so wrong about this ad?
Is it insulting the royal family?
Is it making fun of islam?
Is it sexist?
It's sexist right? IS THAT IT?
Not seeing it... Looks fine.
Back in 2016 I weighed somewhere around 270 or 280 lbs and was very well on my way to 300 lbs unless I put a fucking stop to it. I tried Herbalife and lost some weight, tried the military diet and lost some more weight with that. Sometime around September of 2016 I came across Dr. Robert Lustig's Sugar: the bitter truth and THAT SHIT SCARED ME STRAIGHT. I THREW ALL THE SUGAR, REFINED FLOUR AND PROCESSED FOOD I HAD LYING AROUND THE HOUSE STRAIGHT IN THE GARBAGE. Some time after that I came across Dr. Eric Berg's video on why soy and corn are bad for you AND I THREW OUT EEEEVERYTHING THAT HAD SOY OR CORN AS WELL. So I started with a proper keto diet with all the carbs cut out, modified it bit by bit overtime and now follow a high fat low carb diet, made every fucking conscious effort to read labels to cut sugar, corn, soy and processed food out of my diet and combined all that with intermittent fasting, specifically the 16/8 method and over time I ended up doing OMAD or one meal a day. Lost a bafuckload of weight with that.
FAST FORWARD TO
Last month I weighed myself and I weighed 149 lbs and that was great.
Last week I weighed myself and was at 160. I thought "FUCK! Just a few weeks ago I was at 149 lbs. DAFUQ???" Could most of that come from water weight? have I been slowly backsliding and eating processed shit "food producs"? Is there some muscle mass in there somewhere? Dafuq knows.
So, about a week ago Fledge Fitness put out a video talking about the Snake Diet and that immediately caught my attention. Now there's an issue with Fledge Fitness' Snake Diet video.
I've binge watched most of Cole Robinson's Snake Diet videos.
In some of his videos he talks about doing a 7 day dry fast that really fucked him up, but did not temporarily damage his health.
He talks about fat fucks and how they should get of their fat asses and CARE, CARE about their fucking health. Now, Cole says a lot of dirty words on all his videos.
God damn dick cunt bukkake of shiaaat!
Not a single one of Cole's videos advocates a 30 day long dry fast. Is Fledge Fitness going to correct that? Leaving that out there. Just saying.
Now, I had kind of done the Snake Diet system UNINTENTIONALLY. I would eat one meal a day and not eat for 2 days straight. The only thing missing was the snake juice. Go check out his snake juice video and get the recipe straight from the horse's mouth.
Now that I have time to spare, some salt, some no salt or salt free and water I AM DEFINITELY GOING TO TRY THE SNAKE DIET from here on out.
RIDE THE SNAKE
Day 1 of the 2 day dry fast
Got around to playing some Rocksmith. Old Taylor Swift is dead, long live old Taylor Swift.
Weigh in: 156 - 157
Day 2 of the 2 day dry fast
Kept busy restringing a Floyd Rose guitar
End result 155 lbs. Dry fast works.
I'll try doing a 5 day dry fast this monday.
CRUST:
10 Tablespoons peanut butter
4 pastured eggs
Juice from 1 lemon
Teaspoon baking soda
2 Tablespoons Whey protein powder
pinch sea salt
unsalted butter for greasing up your pizza pan
the healthiest flour you can get
Mix ingredients in a bowl until you get a somewhat runny-ish/solid-ish consistency (like the one in the video). Pour into a greased up pizza pan (that's when you use the unsalted butter and flour)
Sauce:
2 tomatoes
pepper
pinch o' salt
sweet wine
boil the tomatoes, put the tomatoes , pepper, salt and wine in a deep dish and smoosh, smoosh, smoosh.
Toppings:
burger paddy (or whichever meat you'd like)
cheddar mozzarella whatever cheese you prefer
mint
onions (if you're into that)
mushrooms
cut up the toppings into manageable pieces and sprinkle, sprinke, sprinkle over the crust mix to your content
10 Tablespoons tahini paste finely ground sesame butter or for this demonstration peanut butter
4 pastured eggs
Juice from 1 lemon or a tablespoon of vinegar
Teaspoon baking soda
Tablespoon Whey protein powder
pinch sea salt
Tablespoon of Stevia
Coconut oil for greasing up your container
Microwaveable container
A microwave (Original recipe uses an oven. Whichever method works best for you)
I grease a container with coconut oil so the bread doesn't stick to it and put the ingredients in the microwave for 13 minutes and 30 seconds.
Ingredients:
1 -- 1.5 pounds of chicken, beef, lamb or fish bones
1 small onion, peeled and roughly chopped
2-3 carrots, chopped
1 stalk celery
1 ½ teaspoons unrefined sea salt, or more to taste
1 tablespoon vinegar for chicken bones, 1 tablespoon + 1.5 teaspoons for fish, 2 for beef
enough water to cover the bones
½ teaspoon peppercorns, optional
2 chicken feet, optional
***
apple cider drink
5 cups water
10 tablespoons appple cider vinegar
1 tablespoon honey
bit of ginger
4 teabags
lemon juice
****
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZr197qDOfA
Buff dude tuna patties
Here are the totals for calorie content and macro-nutrient breakdown:
serving size -
4 -12oz tuna in water.
4 tbsp omega 3 infused light mayo
1 cup bread crumbs
1/4 cup sunflower seeds
add - onions and spice for added taste.
total calories in batch = 980cal, fat 38g, carbs 59g, protein 99g
split into 6 medium sized patties = 163cal, fat 6g, carb 10g, protein 16g per patty.
Rich in lean protein, high in healthy fats including omega 3, monounsatuated and polyunsaturated fats.
Benefits = muscle building protein. Slow energy release from complex carbohydrates. Decreasing cardiovascular disease and lowering cholesterol from healthy fats.
***
hipster veggies
grab a metal tray
put in brussel sprouts, broccoli or asparagus
sprinkle olive oil, or coconut oil, seasoning, sea salt or hipster pink salt
put in oven for a few minutes
***
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uE98gHygT4Y
Recipe: Makes 1 serving.
Preparation
1. Mix all the ingredients in a mug (or bowl)
2. Microwave the mug for 90 seconds (if mixed in a bowl then transfer to the mug before microwaving the mug)
3. Overturn the mug and it will slide out
4. Slice and eat, or toast, or make a sandwich
"This might just be my magnum opus."
- Matt from Keto Connect
whey protein
4 eggs
cream cheese
butter
I've been wanting to put this recipe up for months and months but Megha wouldn't let me!! She kept saying "Keto Macro Cakes is a dumb name. No one is going to know what you're talking about. You're a dummy.
***
ketogenic diet and intermittent fasting for 1 year
modifying your meat vehicle
Links to most of the videos referenced below.
So sometime in 2016 i must have weighed 270 if not 300 pounds. Then I got an esophageal Tear Caused by a Tortilla Chip or a bean or something. After recovering from that the doctor told me to try and chew my food, probably reduce the portions, eat healthy organic non-processed food and not all the gross unhealthy processed shit I had been eating up until then. So I tried following his advise and tried to change my habits.
FINE
So I started out with the diet the doctor prescribed and lost a good 20 or 30 pounds in 2 months or so.
When the prescribed diet ended I tried out a mainstream name brand meal replacement diet shake program. I lost 10 more pounds with that in about a month. I'm not going to say which one because I gave it up after I came across a youtube video by Dr Eric Berg.
So I stayed with the mainstream name brand meal replacement diet shake program for maybe 4 months in total and lost 40 lbs with that. One day I came across a video by Kymnonstop about intermittent fasting. I thought "what's this intermittent fasting all about, lemme type that on the youtube search" WHOOOOOOO! I binge watched just about every single intermittent fasting video on youtube. I chose the lean gains method from a Hodge Twins video.
I tried it and saw results probably within a few days into the fast.
So Dr Eric Berg has this video on corn and soy and why you shouldn't eat corn and soy. One of the very first ingredients in my mainstream name brand meal replacement diet shake mix was something called soy protein isolate, along with sugar, and all sorts of other chemical shit I don't care for either.
So I said fuck that. I'll have to read these fucking labels and cook for myself. You'll have to cook your own meals, I'm sorry. Maybe your wife, hu-band, grrlfrnd or whatever can help you out with this.
So after having watched a bafuckload of youtube videos on IF, the keto diet, that sugar movie, Dr. Robert H. Lustig's Sugar: The Bitter Truth video, most of the Hodge Twins videos, most of the Kymnonstop videos, most of the Dr. Eric Berg videos I resolved to follow an exercise routine of sorts and a well defined diet. The diet plan I chose was the Ketogenic diet.
Keto recipes are the tool of the devil.
kymnonstop
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTIRKguCTTM
...
Military diet
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4Ev17To2XY
Sugar is in everything
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPxIssabhTc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHaCKudtVi0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_4Q9Iv7_Ao
Dr. Berg FTW
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeHl5Y7m1xM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcEH2HrvmUc
Soy and corn are poison
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIJ-hCOLTss
Da shakes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mnpoyRWG4HQ
Whey
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNxAxf2f3zY
tuna patties
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZr197qDOfA
Cardio
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1h-OMbRlGo
... but you can do whaddevadaFUCKCHAWAUNT!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyrY64DoHeE
A summary:
Will there, won't there be an intervention from the Amazons?
Will there, won't there an armistice?
Will there, won't there be a move for a Vote of No Confidence in Chancellor Valorum's leadership?
Who gives a shit? Diana sez:
"Parliamentary procedure? Pffff! fuck dat! Shiiiiiaaat... all dis red tape gettin' in the way of some decisive action. I fucking love you so much DAT I HAVE TO SMASH YOU! DIANA CONFLICTED! DIANA MAD! DIANA SMASH!"
I only care about 2 DC characters: Batman and Lobo.
I vaguely remembered Diana from Greek or Roman mythology. I dunno. I didn't follow the Wonder Woman comics either so I have no idea how that story differs from the source material.
From Wikipedia:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amazons
"The DC Comics superheroine Wonder Woman is the Amazon princess Diana of Themyscira, created by William Moulton Marston (the inventor of the systolic blood pressure test and a scholar with a penchant for women's power).[127][128] She is the only daughter of Queen Hippolyta, who, in turn, is Marston's incarnation of the classical Queen Hyppolyta of Greek mythology."
Mmmkay. A friend of mine and I went to see Wonder Woman yesterday. to be fair, I was expecting a "WHO RULES THE WORLD? GIRLS!" style Cis Male bashing manifesto.
Wonder Woman (2017) manages to be a:
A comic book movie
A period piece
A chick flick
A war film
A fish-out-of-water film
An Alternate history film
A Greek mythology fanfic
An alternate history and Greek mythology fanfic crossover film
AND ALL THE PRETTY DRESSES! CUE Christina Aguilera's What a girl wants
2h 21min? This movie was so well paced that it felt, I kid you not, like 45 minutes tops.
Wonder Woman you did good. So go howl at the moon, join the order of the white moon and worship Diana why don't you.
